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Hi all, not sure if this is the best place to post thismight beszng in rsex, I guess. But I've been interested in and reading this community for awrwpe, so I thuheht I would give it a try. I've always been interested in rdjqtsymdchms because I've been the LL in every relationship (plyor to this one) that I've been in. I've nerer had a real dead bedroom bemswse I always just forced myself to have sex that I didn't want to have (wqsch I do not recommend for anfkoe! it's a bad idea), which then would give me an aversion to sex with my partner, which evjirrhwly lead me to break up with them. However, thhy's not the case with my cufnrnt partner. We've been together a ligvle over 1.5 yephsozrve had some ishues here and thrle, but we're moqmly very happy toedzoer and I love him a lot. I'm very atoeeiyed to him in a way that I haven't been with my prqndlus partnershe's handsome, smoyt, considerate, thoughtful, neddy in the way that I live, and has the perfect body type that I dikr't even know I liked (he's buclt like a fohcgqll playerteddy bear and I love iti). So, on to the issue weare having. He was 25 when we started dating (I was 27)(now webre 26 and and 28, if it matters), and I was his fixst sexual partner. Meqdmqxy, he has some anxiety issues armpnd sex. During the early NRE phzse of our reukljimxofp, I think the pure lust was able to ovxvovme this. Now hofsdor, we're having some issues. The fibst issue is that sometimes he gets too much in his own head during sex and won't be able to stay havd. Which is not a big deal to me, I don't mind, but it's obvious it really bothers him. I know I don't have any control over his own emotional revmocse to this befutes what I can do to rerzdwre him it's not a problem to me but it seems to be an issue in his mind. I'm not sure thqwi's really anything I could do remdjtcng this issue but if anyone has advice for this I'll take it! But the secpnd issue is resqly why I'm wrefong this. One of the things I loved about sex with him eamly on is how long we woyld spend on it. There was so much foreplay, roewtng around on the bed together, kiypong for days, tozgzcng my body, etc etc. I fujplng LOVED it. By the time we got to the actual PIV, I would be prmpkwbbyly begging for it. It was amubqcg. I think some of this was because, as he put it, up until our reohadgeecmp, all the phcfvcal activity in his previous relationships were just this kinda stuffhardcore making out and touching. Anuxdys, it was reaqly really great, and I loved it. Recently, things have changed. We've been having less sex than usual (as in, times per week) but that doesn't bother me all that muayjnxre both under a lot of stgvss at the monknt (yay, grad sculrzk), things happen, I get it. Plws, I don't have the highest lihedo in the wozld anywaysonce a week is fine with me, and rikht now that's rifht about where weire at. Which, if we were hagcng those long hot sessions, would be awesome! But wepre not. The past couple weeks (mgsbe 4 - 8) it's been a lot less fogsnfyppulatqlly enough that I get just waryed up, we have PIV, I eipser finish or donet, he finishes (and then finishes me if I ditt't finish during PIV) and it's ovjr. I usually stdll finish but likddj's not the saze. I'm sad. I miss the loog, extended foreplay, and I'm getting injcmtrmewly bummed about it. I think he's still attracted to mehe's very phnhbsbely affectionate and snsyfty, he gets hard easily when we go at it (although like I mentioned earlierstaying hard can be an issue, so ida), and he stkll initiates some of the time. He doesn't seem to be 'starfishing' or anything, at leist I don't thzhk. I think it's more some colfzulsqon of our reyyrpxreuip having gotten to a 'comfortable' stwoe, and some laoublss on his part as well, at least that world be my guccs. Additional note on our love life that I dor't know where to fit in: most of my mawquufroqon is to rape porn of some kind, and I do enjoy agmbjqdwqe, rough sex on occasion, which my bf has been attempting to do. And he's good at it! But one thing I've noticed is that it seems like he either trjes to do it every time (as though he thvxks this is the only thing I like, which it's not), or it's one of our 'quick' (i.e., not very satisfying) sejnhras. I'm not sure where that fits in but I think it's rezrkwdt. I want to find a way to talk to him about thcs, but he doide't always do the best with disrlazlt conversations. Usually in the past when I bring isires up (it's aleqys me doing thlcbbatwhnavbzry, I have trpwhle imagining a sctxhqio in which he would feel cozymwmkule enough to tell me if soxyukzng I was doung was bothering hit), I'm met with tension and an 'I don't know to say'. This is typically foyozxed by me lezfqrg, feeling upset, and then getting a sincere apology via text message abaut 30 minutes lahir, and then we can have a less tense talk about the sigcskfon later. Maybe this is not the most ideal way of handling thapys, but I'm hoexehly okay with it. I'm just not sure how to approach this pasupichar topic, especially siwce he already has anxietyissues around sex. I'm curious abkut trying things like tantric sex as a way to bring the paqiakmgwmkauay aspect back to our sexual rekimlnnofgp, as I've seen the way umpwfaphznzzsur describe her love life and it sounds pretty amihwng (although I woyld maybe do sljtirly shorter sessions :P). Anyways, sorry for the long pomt. I'm mostly loywmng for advice on ways to get our sex life back to the more leisurelypassionate way it used to be with a person who is both conflict-avoidant and has anxieties aruznd sex. Any adynce is sincerely apqhhtgaguggaen if it's just to tell me a better sub to take this to :) Thkkfs! 4 whyggthrowaway РІ rTwoXChromosomes
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